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Today, he held my hand and squeezed it tight, like he last did a decade ago. Then he looked at me and told me to go.

Where my dreams wait for me, where the river always flows. #SG50

Enlarged photos for this one because Singapore is such a beautiful place, especially so today; So is my mom. For the first time in teenage-hood, I am so proud to be donned in red without feeling a tinge of embarrassment. I think I know which red army I feel more at home standing with, and it's not the one at Old Trafford. I am Singaporean, through and through :') 

Life is a beach

Today, Lor and I went to the beach. I lied beside her while making sand roti pratas for a good fifteen minutes. People stared, but that's ok. Then the sky started rumbling, like our stomach, so we escaped from the impending downpour and retreated indoors for a snack and a shower. We decided we might as well meet our boyfriends since we couldn't get a tan anymore because that's what we always do anyway. J & S were in their uniforms and it was funny because I recalled that Lor and I once mentioned that we needed another friend with an air force regular boyfriend to complete the "set" (because J is from the navy and S is from the army). After which, J also brought me for dinner near his place where I had the best plate of hokkien mee with the best chilli ever. What a wonderful day.

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I was a naive child. When I learnt that broken families were a thing and not just fiction, I cried myself to sleep and wondered why this was even part of life. I didn't know it was possible for a child to not have seen his father for years. I didn't know it was possible that wife and husband could choose not sleep on the same bed at the end of the day.

I was a naive child, and also a very hopeful one. As I stepped further out of my perfect little world, I starting knowing more things that weren't so perfect after all. I started to see the ugly, like how people would gamble with relationships to get what they want, and like how grown-ups got better at pushing responsibilities than pushing boundaries. But I thought to myself that if I put in effort on behalf of these adults to fix things that were broken, no matter how unfortunate reality can be, then maybe, just maybe, I'll still see my happy ending.

I'm still a naive child, but this time, I've lost hope. Because this time, oblivion is easier than incapability; Not knowing the problem is easier than knowing it yet not being able to do a thing. Because this time, I think I've finally convinced myself to believe that sometimes, not every ending is meant to be a happy one.

Life

I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about the transition back here, like how mei has moved over from the mainstream music bandwagon to All Time Low, Tonight Alive and Issues (I've taught my baby sister well), the sudden loss of privilege to roam around my room unclothed, and of course, the absence of my favourite half roasted chicken with pilau rice from Curry Mile. I thought I'd be packed to the brim here, but nope... I'm just gonna slowly stroll through the time I have here :-)

i. Malacca over a weekend with the family, for a durian buffet, of course.

ii. Time off with my favourite sidekick - the only one who's always up for a game of bball or a short cycling sesh. I'm not gonna deny, I sulked and whined a lot in the first few weeks of being a military gf, but things always get better with you, my gallant soldier.

iii. Trying new things. Over July, Sha invited us for a day trip to Batam to learn how to cable-skii / wakeboard and I've gotta say it was tougher than expected. Kinda grew phobic of the sport after suffering several abrasion wounds on my thighs from the kneeboard straps :-( But I felt like the King of the world on that board going against the current, for a few seconds... I also wanted to try something new for my hair and I went for purple but it barely lasted a week before it faded into a burgundy-brown. And of course, new artsy experiments to work on my techniques. 

I've also been taking daily driving lessons since I've been back and let's just say I'm a very lucky girl to have passed on my first attempt for manual!! "One shot one kill, no luck all skills." Hehehe J taught me that. 

iv. Catching up with old friends. Things change eventually, but I'm glad some don't :-)