The leaves will change

I was having a rather casual yet ironically heartfelt conversation with a friend the other day. She told me she didn't understand why her friends back home couldn't understand her anymore. Conversations with them are difficult to keep up with because there's simply nothing in common to be interested in anymore. The funny thing is I agreed every part of it. On certain days, I question if it was "right" to come here in the first place. It is a pitiful thing, that leaves change with the season, yet it is so necessary for the biology of the earth. You see, I learn this thing in school called the set point theory. It assumes the stability of one's subjective well-being, meaning to say people can't do any worse or any better within a certain range because human beings self-regulate to achieve eventual equilibrium. I am suppressing every thought in my head to reach that line, yet lingering in the depths of summer when the wind picks up doesn't feel "right", and striding along as the earth rotates doesn't feel "right".

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I didn't expect so many things to happen all at once. And I hate how I am forced to prioritise when all are as worrisome and as important to me. I feel myself tearing apart. A few more days and I have to be back a few thousand miles away, and it is not fun. It is not fun all the time just because I "get to study overseas" and I wish people would stop saying that. It is not fun because I am so far away. And it is not fun because I can't do anything when proximity is such a bitch.

27/11

I think the scariest part was knowing it was coming but not knowing when. And sometimes I feel that life finds the thrill in toying around with me; because a week ago you started learning how to eat on your own again. A week ago, you still knew who I was and you could speak a little. A week ago I was browsing for plane tickets to head back home in February because you'd love it if I was back for chinese new year. A week ago, I told myself I'd call "tomorrow" because "you'd still be there". Then it happened so quickly and unexpectedly, yet still, I didn't feel much - or at least not as much as I thought I would. Because for once, this felt right, even if it's in all the wrong ways. Because maybe, just maybe, everyone will be happier this way - even you. Iwmy.

Lake District

This hike to the Lake District was the second last event we've organised for Singsoc as a comm member and to be honest I feel pretty bummed about that because let's be frank, being a part of a committee has never felt more empowering and fulfilling. These 9 months of duty have taught me a crucial lesson in life, and that is that the view at the summit will always, always be worth the ominous fog and slippery rocks. A piece of me will be ever-thankful for this opportunity.

          

Grasmere, Lake District / October, 2015 

[iPhone6]

Titus > Tiffany

Who needs Tiffany when you've got Titus? ;-) This was a birthday gift from J and I felt like dressing up to match up this precious, precious piece today. I got up in my floral babydoll dress and pointelle knit tights and hid frilly lace socks underneath my trusty pair of Timberlands just because I secretly like the subtlety of the frills showing only when I'm walking. I think I'm weird and I think everyone should wake up happy for no reason every once in a awhile.

As much as I'm been stirring trouble for myself (i.e. losing my phone and losing my consciousness) this October, I think I've also started doing a lot of things I've put off for a very long time. I'm not sure if it's my coming-of-age (or came-of-age, to be exact) that haunts me but I don't have long till I'll back home for good so I might as well do things that I can while I can - things like running with strangers, signing up for seemingly stupid enrichment programmes, hiking on mountains, etc. I am utterly thrilled for what I've planned ahead for both the fun (more sports and activities) and the essential (career-planning and well, generally life-planning).

I'm ready to work hard and play hard :-)