Is there more I can do than to let time heal?

Because this wait just feels longer than ever.

Other than losing you, I face my other demons everyday and I wish and I wish and I wish that you would just be here to help me make things a little easier. When he shouts at her and she cries, when she tries to do something silly, when he tries to intimidate me with his self-pity, and when nobody wants to just listen it out, I try so hard to push away the urge of saying something nasty, because you always taught me to react slowly, but now you're not here to remind me of that.

But when the sun shines on my face and the pond glistens in the far, when I hear the beautiful sound of leaves shuffling in the trees, and when I pick up a dried flower from the ground, I try so hard to push away the urge of sharing my joy with you too, because you always taught me to enjoy the littlest things in life, and now I have to do so without you.

Y'know, I feel that people have to jump into something crazy at one point of their life to wake themselves the fuck up. Today, I'm thinking the time has come for me. So, let me do crazy, and let me open my eyes wide. Because if I could've loved so fiercely, I can let it all go fiercely too.

I look for you everyday

I look for you everyday.
I look for you in the cracks of the concrete ground.
I look for you in the threads of my cotton blouse.
I look for you in the hopeful thoughts within my head.
And I look for you when you're not there.

Without you

I just wanna say how apt this song is?!

You said that we would always be
Without you I feel lost at sea
Through the darkness you'd hide with me
Like the wind we'd be wild and free

You
Said you'd follow me anywhere
But your eyes
Tell me you won't be there

I got to learn how to love without you
I got to carry my cross without you
Stuck in the middle and I'm just about to
Figure it out without you
And I'm done sitting home without you
Fuck I'm going out without you
I'm going to tear this city down without you
I'm going Bonnie and Clyde without you

Now I'm running away my dear
From myself and the truth I fear
My heart is beating I can't see clear
How I'm wishing that you were here

You
Said you'd follow me anywhere
But your eyes
Tell me you won't be there

I got to learn how to love without you
I got to carry my cross without you
Stuck in the middle and I'm just about to
Figure it out without you
And I'm done sitting home without you
Fuck I'm going out without you
I'm going to tear this city down without you
I'm going Bonnie and Clyde without you

Monday, I am in love. But it's Thursday now.

Today, you have left for a brighter path and you'll be physically gone for a (subjectively) short while. I thought my worst heartbreak came from a lying jerk, but it turns out that the truth from someone I've loved so dearly can be so much worse. I thought that your honesty would give me a satisfactory closure, yet it just broke me more than anything had before. But, a closure is still a closure, and I hope you find what you're looking for, and I hope you fulfil your promises to God. 

I can't bring myself to hate you, nor detest you or blame you, and I think I never will. But I only half-want you to know that, because I want you to know that you're so beautiful but you are so very broken. Perhaps we all are.

For now, I need to be restored from being crushed, and you need to be restored from crushing others. May we find ourselves in good hands; may we keep marching on.

"Maybe we'll meet again, when we're slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart."

.

I'm still black, and you're still white, and maybe heather grey isn't such a happy colour after all.