20 seconds of courage

Sat: Charly T's for dinner and Awfully Chocolate for dessert with the famz + Atomic bomb clouds
Sun: Sending Dad off at the airport + Visiting Popo
Mon: A usual day at school with me being bored in HRM tutorial and wearing Ivan's watch around just because + Domino's Pizza for dinner with the Phoenix girls after Bboy tryouts/auditions.

Been through my first training session for both Handball and Bboy and as much as I've whined about regretting it, I didn't and I still don't. Before each session begun, my reluctance and fear of trying was enough to convince me to walk away, but thank God for friends who pushed me to stay. I have my duo Darrens, Chandini and Jacelyn for Handball and Naomi, Rachel, Nicole and Serena for Bboy, so three cheers for that ^.^

Starry starry night.

Stargazed at the Scape building with Trisha, Naomi, Rachel and Darryl last evening (well, mainly just me). It instantly reminded me of Joelle and her off-tuned singing.

"Look at the stars..."
"Er... what song is that?"
"... look how they shine for youuuu, and eveything you doooo"
"OH... THAT. -__-"

But yeah, back to the main point.

Lingered around the Scape park 'cause Rach and Darryl wanted to longboard for awhile, before we left for home. And that's the story of my Friday night.

---

"Why should I have to try to fix things I didn't create or contrive?"

Perhaps because that could be the only reason that my existence is beneficial for.

Squish squish.

First FMGT tutorial today and I love the subject and the tutor already :-) CMA lecture ended early so we had Henry's for lunch at the poolside canteen before I left to meet Fel in town for some shopping. Wouldn't have headed down to town if it weren't for my F3 membership discounts, actually. Y'know what's the best part about shopping with Fel? I spend a bomb, but she spends... bombs. Fel had her lunch at The Soup Spoon while I kept myself busy being amused by squishy lemon jelly marshmallows from Muji before we continued shopping on. Headed home after our having our traditional Takoyaki for dinner.

I LAVAAAA YEW PHIAU :*

Straight & fast.

So, I've pretty much sunk back into the school routine. Say hello to struggling to survive fatal morning lectures and panda eyes. It hasn't been easy. In a testament to the power of fatigue, I've been falling asleep so quickly and easily.

But it's a tad different this semester. Looking forward to seeing so many familiar faces down lecture halls, at canteens or along the underpass in school acts like a dose of caffeine ; It keeps me up and going for rest of the entire day, or at least until I board the bus back home.

Thoughts still engulf me in an asphyxiating mass of confusion and uncertainty, but I feel better now.
I feel better now :-)

"How will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?"

"Straight & fast."

I'm not here to run, I'm here to run away.

Stuffed animal magnetic plushies from Auggie, Classical guitar, Sunsets & silhouettes, Starbucks Green Tea Frappe, watching more sunsets with the Phoenixes at Sentosa, Polaroids with Speed Racer & Big Foot, charcoal pills to cure my weak digestive system.

This week has been bipolar.

"Some days I feel really strong, and invincible. On other days, I feel weak, vulnerable and insecure."

And ultimately, I'd always be this timid to take chances.
Grant me the strength and courage, please?

If a stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it everyday.

I'm tired. I'm tired of trying when you both evidently don't.

I'm only 18, I'm old enough to understand your bullshit but I'm not old enough to take it, what more for the younger ones. I spent half my childhood stuffing my head into soaked pillows on a nightly basis, writing about broken families in essays, and using my birthday wishes to redeem us a be-happy-together-forever-and-ever ticket.

They're young. I don't want them to have a taste of this. I don't want them to escape out of the house so often just because they need to. I don't want them to fear exiting the room, having to face World War III. I don't want them to struggle to put on a strong front when deep down inside, it cuts like a knife.

I'm tired.

Someone Like You.

You've stuck by my side during my darkest periods and you've never failed to wipe off the frown off my face, so this time, it's my turn. I'd walk down hundreds of blocks of houses in the middle of the night and panic over lurking lunatics or perverts, just to see you smile. You could just be the longest friend I've ever had, and I don't know what my life would be like if I hadn't met you.

"Sigh... You know. It's not about the fake roses with no smell or the cheapskate birthday card that matters. It's your heart that matters most. It's like, we're so far apart, yet I feel you so close to my heart. It's like, you're not the closest one that has been with me, yet you make me feel like you're the closest one I've ever had. Everytime, I think you're just another one of those in and out person, but you always do stuff like this that keeps me close."

This could just be the best form of reciprocation I've ever received ; Your smile, your appreciation, and your assurance to me that I actually matter.

In another life, I would be your girl. Your baby little sister girl.

Happy 18th birthday, Gab. Thank you for everything, x

If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding you like this.

Today, I signed up for Tchoukball/Handball and Bboy (please don't mock at me, I feel loserish enough), and I intend to go for the next Scuba Diving trip to apply for my advanced license. Planning for a Bangkok trip with the Ad Infinitum kids and a Bintan trip with the Phoenixes as well. One word: Woah.

This semester's all about pushing boundaries, stepping out of the comfort zone, courage and new-forged friendships.

Wayfaring strangers.

Friday:
Fruits, nuts and biscuits for brunch before meeting the Phoenixes for dinner at T.G.I.Friday's.

Saturday:
Wet weather, beautiful sunset, guitar, singing, htht and most importantly, Phoenixes.

Today:
Jai Thai with Fel and Joelle just because we were craving for Thai food. Joelle Martha Yeo was raving on about how her attempt of making scrambled eggs for breakfast failed so terribly that she threw the entire plate of it away after trying a bite of it. Sigh, Martha Stewart indeed. Love these two, xx

It's the last day of the holidays. Having mixed feelings about this because I can't wait to see my Ad Infinitum kids / Phoenixes but I don't want to have to commit my time to tutorials, projects, more tutorials, more projects and even more tutorials and even more projects again. Year 2's not gonna have mercy on us, so God bless us all.

Oh well, que sera sera.

Wow! Phenomenal Phoenix.

It's a quarter after noon and I've just awaken. For once, I don't need to wake up to an alarm clock or a wake-up call. For once, I can lay in bed and stay home all day. For once, I feel empty.

Suffering from post-BAOC syndrome at the moment. Everything flew by within a mere span of 3 days, but a month worth of our effort and hard work has paid off.

To say that I miss BAOC would be an understatement. I want to relive it.

Now, to start off with the people who made BAOC possible:

Darren and Weifeng (on the outer ends) ; Phoenix's SCOs

Jasiel ; Phoenix's ASCO

He and Darren form an epic combo of insanity and entertainment.

And then my Phoenix subgroup 10:

Xin Min ; Phoenix 10 freshie

She might have been a trouble maker, but she might have been just misunderstood as well. I wish I had more than just 3 days to know her better.

Teck Li ; Phoenix 10 freshie

The one whom we mistook as a male when we first saw her name from the freshie list. 

 

Jiayi, Bernadine, Xin Yan, Sze Yee ; Phoenix 10 freshies

They're really shy, but I yearn to see their wilder sides one day. Perhaps at the next year's BAOC, with them as SCs.

Ryan ; Phoenix 10 freshie

Best freshie of the group! Whoopee!

Zheng Chun ; Phoenix 10 freshie

Nicole ; Phoenix 10 fellow SC

Can't stop playing with this preedy gurl's last extensions, heheh. 

And I don't know why but I feel so loved when she lets me hug her and hugs back.

Imran ; Phoenix 10 fellow SC

I will miss you so much, despite you coming up with the nickname "Hobbit" and "Frodo", despite you wanting to smash the huge hammer on my head on the last day of BAOC, despite you teaching everyone the Sarah clap, and yeah, despite everything else. It's been nice knowing you.

Ryvan and Yong Siang ; Phoenix 10 fellow SCs

After Imran, Nicole and I almost gave up on trying to bond the group, you both stepped in and did the job for us. So proud of you both :')

Followed by my dearest, awesomest, loveliest bunch of fellow SCs:

Swee Teng ; Twin

So many freshies mistook me for her and vice versa because of our similarity in looks, hair colour and height (even though I'm still a tad shorter, heheh).

Bryan Gonemadz Piggy (2nd from left) ;

Probably one of the DPA students who's closest to the year 2s. Albeit a little annoying, he makes enjoyable company. I kid about the annoying part, but he blends in well with us.

Xinying

Xan, Vicknes, Patrick, Aaron ;

Annoying bunch of boys who made fun of me 24/7. Still love 'em though.

Poh Leng 

Lianling ; QT pie ;)

Keith ; Megazombie / #funsizedtogetherforever

Sallyyyyyyyy

Abbey and Allyson

Rachel and Seng Whye

Darryl

Seth (far right)

Kristie ; Kukutiong

Peiyi

Fiona 

Alex "Yakuza" 

Nigel 

Vivian, Naomi, Trisha, Jasmine, Sherdale, Nicole, Rachel ; 

Phoenix SCs girl power

Jia Sheng, Yida, Vicknes ;

"Pose a serious face."

Last but not least, random snapshots:

Swaggin' away early in the morning.

 

Megazombie and his evil minions.

Phoenix + Griffin = Grinix

Mah

Jen and Vicknes, roles exchanged. #mindfuck

Devin and his twic. The uncanny resemblance is unbelievable. #mindfuckagain

Phoenix HAHHHHHH!

"O"

Timothy, better known as DJ Dopeshit. Heheh.

Hazel(nut)

Jon Gui

Say rock with Phoenix, we will pwn you all,

Phoenix will keep on going, we will keep on fighting

I'm so proud of us, for clinching the best performance award (which technically is 2nd place for overall). This is my first time being a SC, so thank you all for making this experience an unforgettable one. To learn how to lead and how to love was priceless. And.... sigh, I'm just gonna miss everything so much :'(

Phenomenal Phoenix, you changed my life.