I don't know where I'm going, but I know it's gonna be a long time

It's been confirmed.

I'm left with three more months to three years of absence. This place I call home will always be home. But for now, I am stoked for every little thing, from the all-year-round chilly weather to my very accommodating cousin from Portsmouth who expects me over for bread pudding and turkey for Christmas. I will be moving over to the city of Manchester in the UK for further studies. Three years sounds overwhelming. Living alone and fending for myself does as well. Everything else does. These days I've been not so keen on working, 'cause it feels like my days here are numbered. Mixed feelings, I would say?

But still, I sing, "que sera sera, whatever will be will be".
Please be happy for me :-)

What's my age again?

No, I haven't been a bum. I've actually been doing proper stuff. Typing this from the office as I rest my eyes from the computer for a bit (this doesn't count as skiving). I've just committed myself to a two-day work week at le dad and mom's office and today's my second day. The office is as still as the heartbeat rate monitor of a corpse. I don't like offices and the formality of it. But I find comfort in the fact that my mom is smiling more than usual. She probably hates this lifeless place as well. She was so happy to have me as her lunch partner and to make me tea although it should be vice versa. So this is what being an adult feels like... No wonder Peter Pan refused to leave Neverland.

Brawn, brains & boobies

Saturday morning begun with a spontaneous coffee fix with Bertrand at Brawn & Brains. The place barely fit a dozen of people, but the coziness of it and the aromatic scent of freshly brewed coffee was what charmed me. P.s. the lime drizzled croissant and flat white was so good and cheap!! P.p.s. So grateful for you (and your car) Berty!

Then I heard the boobies were near home so I dropped by to visit and we went to town for a bit to look around for Mother's Day gifts. It's been so long since we've gathered. I still find it amusing how my friends go "whuuut?!" when I say I'm meeting my boobies. #thatshowweroll

For Mother's Day, it was the cliche wake-momma-up-at-midnight-and-present-her-with-a-cake and secretly-place-flowers-and-balloons-outside-the-door kinda celebration and we had Tung Lok at The Grandstand for dinner. Pretty disappointed I didn't get to show my sisters around Pasar Bella after dinner because we reached there late. The Old Turf City is such a hidden gem. 

I love the weekends :-)

If I let it go

Last night I received a declination letter from SMU. I haven't told my mom. I haven't told anyone; anyone who has had high hopes for me, anyone who has told me to stay. What am I supposed to say? That I'm okay? Well truth is, I am. I'm much more than okay. That's what I'm more afraid of to say, I think. I'm afraid to tell anyone that I have, in fact, already made a choice in my heart. And this choice comes with a heavy price (not just metaphorically sigh).

But life in general has been very kind to me. My days have been easy. I spend hours watching drama and doing absolutely nothing, which I've never had spare time for. Fel, Junpeng and I watched Asking Alexandria live at Scape two weeks ago and the mosh pit left me breathless. I unintentionally organised a mini family gathering with my relatives over a simple thought of having lunch with my gramps, which turned out less messy and complicated than I thought. Also, I had an overpriced dinner at Eggs & Berries with Bert the other night before we drove to the west together with Hajar to surprise Stella at her hall where we played Bridge when she should have been studying. And last night I was at Alley Bar with a few of the Phoenix girls for some drinks (Serena's laughter is so amusing/embarrassing). Life has been kind.

I've been so disinterested in taking pictures these days, please forgive me.

If nobody cares, why should I?

I came across a quote on tumblr which I thought a lot about:
"If nobody cares, why should I?"

If nobody cares, you will see them on the streets one day and avoid eye contact with them, then spend that whole night looking through their Facebook account. If nobody cares, they will think of you when your song comes on, and they will have that song on repeat for the whole week. If nobody cares, you will constantly find yourself trying to justify yourself for doing the right thing by disregarding, even though deep down you feel like you didn't. If nobody cares, they will think of how you left and question themselves if they should have held you back (they should have).

But that's that.

Because if nobody cares, the more you will start to care, and there will always be two unhappy strangers, wondering about the 'what if's for the rest of their lives.