Venus Retrograde mode

I know I keep going on about me going through a phase of changes and uncertainties in this time of the Venus retrograde (horoscope tings), but jokes aside, I feel like I’ve been lacking something in life for awhile now. By that, I don’t mean a boy attention or anything of that sort (okay fine, maybe partially), but I dislike stagnancy and I’ve been too comfortable and happy for too long now since my last tragic downfall. Not that I should be asking for trouble when trouble doesn’t find me, but yes, I’m that kinda person who needs trouble in life to get me going further. Weird? Maybe. Is anything going to hold me back from finding a source of discomfort? Absolutely not.

Things I hope to achieve as I attempt to revamp my outlook in life:

• Take people’s considerations about what I want to or should do with less weight, because frankly it’s time for you to make your own damn decisions, Sarah.
• Talk less, do more. I’m not getting any younger and I would very much like to get my shit together so I can be responsible for giving myself the life that I want.
•  Grow a little ambition, because I can’t keep aiming for the sky when everyone’s aiming for the galaxies.
• Write more, because I forgot how therapeutic it used to be in helping me get my thoughts sorted out.

Ok, now back to actually getting my shit together.

I don't have to be perfect, so what?

Things about myself that I wish were okay:

I love wearing T-shirts, sweatshirts and sneakers, and I don't have the most feminine taste in music.
I swear quite casually and frankly I don't see any wrong in it.
I hate being mainstream, and even more so when I'm being pressured to be.
I feel uncomfortable being dependent, not because I'm stubborn, but because I think knowing I can do things on my own is core to my personal growth.
I'm uninterested in the economy and politics, but I'll be happy to read about less educational fun facts like the invention of colours.
I resist more when being pushed - don't try me.
I get defensive when I feel exposed, and I take awhile to admit it when I'm in the wrong.
I'm easily satisfied, and also easily dissatisfied, and this can change in a split second.
I don't like to give in if you expect me to, but I will if you don't.
I don't think before I talk, and I am therefore more straightforward than I should be.
I have a great deal of patience, but I also have one hell of a temper if you push it, and I make sure I show it.
I need to hear "sorry" or "thank you", or I'll hold a grudge.
I'm a sucker for my gold stars and need my efforts acknowledged all the time.

This is me. Is that okay?

When you love someone

"Sometimes moms and dads fall out of love

Sometimes two homes are better than one

Some things you can't tell your sister 'cause she's still too young

Yeah, you'll understand

When you love someone"

Maybe all these while I was hoping you'd turn things around for me. I envied you, for I preferred something that's broken than breaking. Some days all's good, some days I feel like giving up. Everyday is like biting into a fortune cookie - you never know what you're going to get, and you just hope for the best. My emotions have become so erratic it's bad.

Days like this I want you here to tell me what to do, because I realised how much I've grown to trust only you. Now that you're not here, I don't (want to) share anything with anyone anymore. Where are you?