Your knife, my back. My gun, your head.

You need a doctor baby, you scared?

I need a doctor baby, I'm scared.

So much to do, so little time.

Fleas fleas fleas.

Flashlightbatteries 6 @ Pit Building, 14th May:

I know this is an ancient update but I'mma still post this anyway 'cause I don't wanna miss out a single memory with these babygirls of mine :)

Camwhoring like mad while Fel was trying on her newly bought eyeliner.

Friendship bands for us, Zul and Jiaying.

Finally wore her top from Topshop that costs a bomb despite its simplicity.

The crowd was so, so bad. Could barely move an inch and we were dry humping the strangers all around us. Lost each other a couple of times. Left the place pretty empty-handed :(

Hooked On Flea @ Home Club, 28th May:

All pictures from Joelle's DSLR.

The one yesterday sucked balls. Poor response, poor ventilation, poor variety. Came back empty-handed and got rid of merely a handful of stuff.

Sighhhh, looking forward to the next flea. Seriously hooked on fleas. =^^=

How'd we end up this way?

I'd turn back time if I could, not to before we crossed paths, but to before I bared my heart. Perhaps things would've turned out differently. Perhaps I could still sneak up to your apartment in the middle of the night like a ninja just because I felt the urge to. Perhaps you'd still introduce me to stray cats, stray dogs, stray stingray, whatever. Perhaps I'd still make trips to Subway just to mock at your retarded self in uniform and you'd still make me a sandwich. Perhaps you'd still hire me as your human alarm clock. Perhaps we'd still carry on the never-ending debate of how Lego is pronounced; guess you forgot. Perhaps we'd still webcam at ungodly hours and screenshot each other's unglam faces. Perhaps we'd still sit at the benches by my playground, differentiating the stars and satellites and doodling on my sketchbook. Perhaps I'd still find the strength and will to surprise you a little everyday just to see you smile, or at least I'd try to. Perhaps you'd actually still talk to me. Perhaps.

You don't know how badly I still want to exist in your life and you in mine, even if you'd disallow me to, even if you'd not want me to, even if it pains me to. But I'm tired, and so are you.

I-

I'm sorry.

It's Tweety Bird by the way.

You're gonna create Twitter sooner or later.

What's L4D when there's L28D?

Once again, I had to travel to foreign grounds early in the morning, but I overslept this time :(

The L28D team.

In fear of being shot, LOL.

Jiaxuan and Auggie our bbq cookers.

Stupid Darren.

Ivan jamming to his guitar throughout while Devin fails terribly at pitching to whatever he sings. Ivan is one untapped talent. He's the future Ivannem ;)

The silent killer and joker.

"Foreign workers are inferior goods."

"The market is evil."

Skipped French lessons which meant the French oral test as well, but damn, it was soooo worth it. I can't imagine the amount of fun I'd have missed- The dreary Elluminate session which virtually killed us all within the first hour, the L28D Nerf war, the delish bbq dinner, the sexual talks, the HTHT part 3, the jamming and the camwhoring.

Been awhile since I've smiled so genuinely and laughed till my tummy ached.

Thank you. I love you guys to death. ♥

Hate is a strong word, but I'm really, really, really, hurt by you.

Here's to what I've fucking been through.

I'm done being pathetic. God, damn it. Why is it that you never fucking make an effort to hide whatever that hurts me from me when that's what I'd used to do for you?

Yes, it's a yes. I've set my mind, 'cause it always has to be me anyway. Me- the one who has to give in all the single fucking time. Just because I'm little, just because I'm insignificant, just because I'm inferior. When was it ever not me?

"Can you not cry for once? Just for a day?"

Honestly, do I look like I have a fucking choice? "Fuck" is the most I can muster up these days. The remaining words are clogged up in my esophagus, along with the motherfucking thick chunks of fluids.

Feels like I've been talking to myself for the past few months. Fighting so fucking hard to find my way back to what I used to be.

Fuck.

#TB28

Took step on foreign grounds (Yio Chu Kang HAHAH) at 9.45am sharp. Hell yeah, I was early. \m/

Waited for the rest to gather before we headed to Jeraldyn's crib. Our attempts to complete our E-learning assignments succeeded for the first half an hour before our attention diverted to indulgence in food.

Thereafter, we lost the 'feel' and our subsequent attempts to continue completing our E-learning assignments were futile. Ended up talking cock/ whining/ camwhoring/ being stupid/ nuaing.

Dinner at Ministry Of Steak, followed by desserts at Udders and ending the day with a gossip + HTHT session.

This is the class I never expected to turn out to be.

Devin the annoying orange, Erwin the random commenter, Jeraldyn & Ericia the hysterical laugh-over-everything twins, Jiaxuan the wolf in a sheep's disguise, Darren the oh-so-(not)-hot, Augustine the mass orgy, Trisha the triangle and Ivan the exclaims-in-awe-when-in-sight-of-food. Xinxian, Shien, Genevieve, Lorraine, Aloysius, Michael, Brenda, Jasmine and Sheanyin as well.

What more could I ask for?

Cheers to an awesome start of E-learning week.

My head says yes; My heart says no.

Joelle says yes; Jeraldyn says no.

So, yes, no, potato?

Someone put this mental turmoil to an end for me.

Time's ticking and running out.

You're as cold as ice. I don't know who you are.

Why do you do this to me?

Feeding on distractions around me to survive every moment while these conjured thoughts devour me up alive inside. It's mental self-suicide on a nightly basis. Dying bit by bit but it's ok because that's what life's all about right? =^^=

It's almost as though I turned seventy years older within a week. I get tired so easily, irregardless of what I do, even if it's sleeping through lessons. The amount of slumber I fall into (both at home and in school) is... ridiculous, and I still get tired. Haven't been in the clearest of my mind lately 'cause this epitome of fatigue's been taking its toll on me.

At times, I'm envious of Gerald. His capability to just light up a fag and not give a fuck about anything tempts me to follow suit. I'd never light up a fag, but all I ask for is to be able to not give a fuck about anything as well.

"And you know why he's going back right?"

I really respect my ears. They always tank the awfullest things I don't wanna hear. And it seems almost impossible for Yanzhou to not rub salt into my wound at every instant. But, I'll smile it off anyway.

It's three words in every language,

I've found my Frank #2 in NP. He possesses this uncanny resemblance to Prince Eric from Disney's The Little Mermaid.

Yes, that smile is to die for.

Once seen, twice shy. Twice seen, shy until die.

The second time he appeared in front of my eyes and took the seat beside me, my smile grew as wide as my hips (HAHA no I'm exaggerating). Still smiling to myself, I was furiously typing on my phone and spazzing to Xinxian about how sexcited I was. The guys gave me the skeptical look as though saying, "This girl lost her mind again." Oh, reliving those Frank days~

But...

If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If it's not, it's not.

Like Jeraldyn said, "这个要靠缘份的."

Looking forward to seeing my Prince Eric again ♥

The truth is a terrible thing, don't you think?

"If u love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if u truly loved the first one, u wouldn’t love another one."

Strange how this feels consoling yet simultaneously depressing.

More of the latter, actually.

It's E-learning week next week and I'm so stoked. Gon' use up these empty slots on my schedule to catch up with a couple of ol' friends and lotsa sleep (no. 1 priority). Been longing to escape from this bustling for awhile now. My brain's been constantly malfunctioning.

I hate Thursdays. The day drags up till 8pm and the two hours break in between is a son of a bitch. I have abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do. French lessons clashes with the TCP talk tomorrow as well. And yeah, stuff. Fuck Thursdays.

Wonder who's gonna wait for me after French lessons tomorrow. Yanzhou? Clem? Ryan? I miss being remembered and waited on.

On the bright side, I scored an A for my first PoA test. Yay.

My nails are so pweedy right? ^^

Today I don't feel like doing anything, I just wanna lay in my bed.

The Lazy Song says it all.

Stripped down to minimal wears, spinning circles in the house on my tipped toes and with my arms outstretched like an imitation of a manual fan, hoping I could create some form of wind. The weather's been a major bitch lately. This place is an oven.

I need to meet new people. And I really hope NP Ambassadors would call me :(

I don't know who I am.

Wrong or right, black or white; If I close my eyes, it's all the same.

& Maybe, just maybe, when my eyelids unwind like the shutters of windows, it'll all be just a dream.

Please let this be a dream. Someone please shake me up. Pinch my nose, poke me in the tummy, pour cider in my eyes, shoot an arrow through my cheeks, anything. Just set me free, 'cause every single damn night is a living hell for me.

The moon's like a ball of light tonight; So fluorescent, so prominent in the ebony sky. It's beautiful, but it's not the moon you see. Reminds me of The Night Swimmers in Nantucket Nights. I'd love to skinny dip in a pool after midnight as well, when all else keeps still, other than the crickets that croak from behind the bushes, and the only source of brightness comes from up above.

And to end this post, I quote this lovely being,

"We're all sad beings drifting along like dead logs in a stream heading towards something so unpredictable, something so ambiguous its impossible to comprehend."

Dear lovely being, if ever you see this, know that you're not alone.

Fireworks

So this is the end, of you and me

We had a good run, and I'm setting you free

To do as you want, to do as you please

Without me

Remember when, you were my boat

And I was your sea

Together we'd float, so delicately

But that was back when

We could talk about anything

'Cause I don't know, who I am

when you're running circles in my head

And I don't know, just who you are

When you're sleeping in someone else's bed

3 whole words, and 8 letters late

And that would've worked, on me yesterday

We're not the same, I wish that could change

But it can't

And I say your name, and in the same breath

I say something, that I'll grow to regret

So keep your hands on your chest, and sing with me

That we don't wanna believe

'Cause I don't know, who I am

when you're running circles in my head

And I don't know, just who you are

When you're sleeping in someone else's bed

So it's true what they say, if you love someone you should set them free

Oh it's true what they say, you went and threw it away

I don't know who you are

And I don't know who you are

And oh 'cause I don't know who you are

When you sleep with somebody else

'Cause I don't know who I am, when you're sleeping with him

And it's true what they say, went and threw it away

Remember how I mentioned my heart doesn't change so easily?

I meant it. Can I not accept your answer, then?

Lol jk I will.

What went wrong? 'Cause you said this was right.

Jiaying popped me a random text last night which made me tear. It's by far the longest text I've received from her, even though it isn't very long at all. Kunjie left me a shocking remark on msn before he headed to bed as well; We'll always be here for you. Touches me to know that this pair of lovebirds still care about my existence (yes they are forever in their own world).

I miss PB, Sha, Lummy and Joshie. Was reminiscing through our old photos and it triggered my floodgates. PB jio-ed me out today, although our date was postponed in the end. It's a first. ♥

Meeting Fel and Joelle for FLB6 tomorrow. Hoping Jiaying would show up as well (if she is not lazy / doesn't oversleep / doesn't spend hours shitting). On a side note, I haven't had the chance to spend quality time with Zul for the past few months. I miss sharing secrets with him. He's the only one who actually keeps it.

It hit me so hard how I much I depend on these people as my pillars of strength.

This sudden spammage of love and care showered on me makes me wanna cry even more.

Dream truth.

I know where I stand now -- Nowhere.

Didn't dread your answer. Only dreaded that you wouldn't change it.

Really, really, really, really, really, really don't wanna go to school wearing a smile again. Things just don't work this way.

I'm afraid.

I dread,

Can I please say something? I've been strong for far too long.

Halfway gone.

Toured around town to scout for formal wear with Jiaying today...

... but I bought a shitload of other wants instead.

• Dusty Pink Boots
• Tie Dye Headband
• New Look Beige Tassle Shirt
• New Look Tribal Shorts
• Black Baggu Sling Bag

*dies. Retail Therapy is honestly the best medicine but it's burning my whole pocket.

At New Look, this random guy approached me and tagged along as I shopped around 'cause he said I had fashion sense alike to his friend's and he wanted to see what I'd choose so he could choose something similar as a birthday present for that friend. Ended up having a conversation instead and I didn't get to help him choose anything. Directed him to F21 to try his luck in the end. Poor guy came alone to shop for girl's stuff. What a thoughtful friend.

Bumped into many familiar faces ; Ryan Tan outside Cine, Edmund at Rockstar and Teresa at FEP.

Sighhh. So much to do this weekend.

I'm all out of faith,

TB28 grows wackier by the day.

Been da bao-ing lunch to OurSpace@72 with TB28 these days and I have a supposed new scandal with captainAndrew. Thanks a lot, Devin and Darren.

Lovin' Zhuks and Yanzhou more and more by the day as well. They've been at their nicest, although Yz just demanded eleven favours from me today for fixing my mouse and lending me his cloth to wipe my screen. -.-

Something happened on Wednesday which made me really happy for the entire day. To you: Thank you, for remembering :')

Other than the sudden fuckload of assignments and projects thrown at us at a go, all else is fine. Or so, I hope. Hah.

Dear Zack,

May I portray you as who I want you to be, right from scratch? I'd portray you with shoulders so broad for me to lean on. I'd portray you with the widest palms to hide my eyes from nasty sights. I'd portray you with the sweetest voice to coax me to sleep. I'd portray you with ears so patient to hear me pour out my sorrows.

I'd portray you'd exist in my life.