Saturday, December 21, 2013

Will you still love me then?

It is easy to love me when you watch me sink into a world of arts and craft. It is easy because I am focused and patient, and I'm meticulous down to even the littlest details - the symmetrically trimmed edges, the evenly spread glue, and the parallelly-aligned curves in cursive fonts. It won't be easy, however, when you notice me wiping my sweaty palms on my shirt every ten minutes to make sure the scissors doesn't slip through my hands or I don't leave wet fingerprints on the craft materials. And it doesn't get any easier when you find out I'm phobic of handshakes. I vividly recall slide 9, lecture 3 of the biz comm etiquette notes: 'Wet-rag' handshakes are a no-no. I will never muster up enough confidence to hold someone's hands for more than a second, unless I absolutely have to. Will you still love me then?

It is easy to love me when I have just came out from the shower. My skin is oddly absorbable and I usually retain the pleasant smell of soap and shampoo for a few hours or so. It won't be easy though, if you know how OCD I can be when it comes to keeping myself clean. I throw a fit when I reach home and find out someone's using the bathroom (mostly my sister) because I need to bathe immediately. I cannot eat, sleep or sit down when I'm not thoroughly rinsed. Will you still love me then?

It is easy to love me when you receive a handwritten card from me, whether for festive purposes or not. I pour my heartfelt thoughts and lots of graphical effort into it, and you will know that when I say I cherish you, I do. But it won't be easy on days I think excessively on how you have not contacted me in so long because of something wrong I did, and you will find me ridiculously emotional. I will assume you can live without me and therefore, I will try to live without you too. Will you forgive my sensitivity and assure me you'll stay by my side? Will you still love me then?

It is easy to love me when I let you fall into my arms when you've had your heart broken or when you're having one of those days. It is easy because you will find your name at the top of my to-do list and I will go that extra mile to make you simper, if not at the least stop frowning. But it is never easy when the roles are switched and I'm the one who needs consoling instead. Because I become seemingly needy, yet repulsive and non-responsive concurrently. I cannot decide if I want you to stay or leave, but we both know I eventually want the former. When I am this broken and flummoxed,

Will you still love me then?

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