More than I did before

Today, I took your picture out, just to test the waters and check if it's safe now to step into the post-war zone. It felt numb, I think. Then I had second thoughts; No, not just yet. I'm not done. Because I had hope for redemption and you had a choice to grant me the chance, but you picked your pride over what could have possibly been my source of happiness. He was my best sidekick and those few days were bliss. Every night, I returned to the room looking forward to the next day just because I know he'd be there to pull me through the dreariness, and that made it okay to stay away from home a little longer. You can call me over-obsessed but I don't deny that I wasn't. Because when everyone else marches on without me, he is the only one who backs his track just to wait up. And now that I've lost all of this, I try and I try to convince myself that it's no one's fault but mine and my weak mind's, and I'm convinced. But I still had a fucking chance and you killed it. No head's up, no hesitance, no mercy; You just did. So, here's my white flag if that makes you happy, but I will never raise it for you. Because you forced me to slit my throat to set the air free, and I'm as breathless as never before.